Family gatherings run on a set of invisible rules: smile when handed a gift, hug the grandparents, compliment the food, tolerate noise and chaos, answer questions, act “normal.”
For many kids with developmental differences, these expectations are unrealistic — they may simply be incapable of doing all that’s expected, and without preparation, they’re facing moments of failure, shame or overwhelm.
Give your child a handful of ready-to-use responses to help them have the confidence to face extended family, and the ability to feel safe and contained at overwhelming holiday parties.
Here are six responses your child can keep in their back pocket (literally, with our Cue Cards download!) for difficult moments.
First, a quick note: Feel free to shorten or adjust these phrases.
A child who communicates with 1–3 words, gestures, or a device can use a pared-down version. What matters is giving them language they can grab in a stressful moment – and the security that comes with being prepared.
.png)
Want these suggested phrases in cue cards you can use to practice, or your child can use in the moment?
Print the Cue Cards download!
Download →
Six Messages for Tough Moments
THE TOUGH MOMENT: Your child gets a gift they don’t like.
Maybe it’s not appealing, overstimulating, or too babyish, and they freeze or want to lash out.
The Message: “Thank you! I’m saving this for later.”
Why it works: It expresses gratitude without forcing them to fake excitement. It ends the moment quickly and politely, and shuts down the pressure to “try it now!”
THE TOUGH MOMENT: Someone tries to give them a hug they don’t want.
This happens constantly, with relatives rushing in with arms open, sure that holiday hugs are a given.
The Message: “I don’t do hugs, but a high five or a wave would be good.”
Why it works: It sets a clear boundary and offers an easy alternative. It eases the guilt, avoids conflict, and protects your child from uncomfortable, forced affection.
THE TOUGH MOMENT: The the room gets too loud or overwhelming
Holiday parties get loud fast. The sensory overload can exhaust a kid’s nervous system – fast.
The Message: “I’m taking a quiet break.” (Have a plan for them: headphones, a quiet corner, a book to read, etc.)
Why it works: It gives your child the ability to step out when they need to and communicate it confidently.
THE TOUGH MOMENT: Someone comments on their unique food choices or pushes them to try something they don’t want.
“Why aren’t you eating that?” or “Just try a bite!” are classics that can put your kid on the spot.
The Message: “This is the food that works for me today.”
Why it works: it gives you child agency to own their choices without getting pulled into a power struggle. It also reframes the moment from “picky eater” to personal needs, which ends the conversation quickly and respectfully.
THE TOUGH MOMENT: Someone comments on, or asks about their wheelchair, device, brace, or equipment.
Kids feel the stares. They also see adults whisper about them across the room.
The Message: “This helps me do what I want to do,” or “This helps my body work better."
Why it works: It’s short, clear, and dignified, and doesn’t invite follow-up questions. Your child isn’t forced into storytelling, answering intrusive questions, or explaining their diagnosis to a distant cousin.
THE TOUGH MOMENT: Another child says something hurtful like “You’re weird” or “Why are you like this?”
No one prepares kids for moments like these — and they sting.
Try: “I just do things a little differently.”
Why it works: It’s calm and confident, drains the power from the insult, and models a level of self-acceptance many adults are still learning.
Help These Scripts Stick
Scripts often fail not because kids are unwilling to use them, but because the stress the child experiences in the moment shuts down access to language.
Imagining these scenarios ahead of time — and practicing how to respond — can help your child walk into a gathering feeling confident and prepared. Talk through specific examples. Instead of “Someone might hug you,” try, “Aunt Sara comes in for a hug. What do you say?”
You can also print the Cue Cards for the child who wants to hold a physical reminder, and use them to review.
A little bit of preparation can help your child to feel equipped to walk into a situation that usually feels scary, unpredictable, or overwhelming, and knowing they have words ready when they need them most.
OPWDD Guidance
Home and Community
Site-Based
Residential
Financial
Family Support
Services for Children
Services for Adults
Services for Children 0-3
Family gatherings run on a set of invisible rules: smile when handed a gift, hug the grandparents, compliment the food, tolerate noise and chaos, answer questions, act “normal.”
For many kids with developmental differences, these expectations are unrealistic — they may simply be incapable of doing all that’s expected, and without preparation, they’re facing moments of failure, shame or overwhelm.
Give your child a handful of ready-to-use responses to help them have the confidence to face extended family, and the ability to feel safe and contained at overwhelming holiday parties.
Here are six responses your child can keep in their back pocket (literally, with our Cue Cards download!) for difficult moments.
First, a quick note: Feel free to shorten or adjust these phrases.
A child who communicates with 1–3 words, gestures, or a device can use a pared-down version. What matters is giving them language they can grab in a stressful moment – and the security that comes with being prepared.
Print the Cue Cards download!
Six Messages for Tough Moments
THE TOUGH MOMENT: Your child gets a gift they don’t like.
Maybe it’s not appealing, overstimulating, or too babyish, and they freeze or want to lash out.
The Message: “Thank you! I’m saving this for later.”
Why it works: It expresses gratitude without forcing them to fake excitement. It ends the moment quickly and politely, and shuts down the pressure to “try it now!”
THE TOUGH MOMENT: Someone tries to give them a hug they don’t want.
This happens constantly, with relatives rushing in with arms open, sure that holiday hugs are a given.
The Message: “I don’t do hugs, but a high five or a wave would be good.”
Why it works: It sets a clear boundary and offers an easy alternative. It eases the guilt, avoids conflict, and protects your child from uncomfortable, forced affection.
THE TOUGH MOMENT: The the room gets too loud or overwhelming
Holiday parties get loud fast. The sensory overload can exhaust a kid’s nervous system – fast.
The Message: “I’m taking a quiet break.” (Have a plan for them: headphones, a quiet corner, a book to read, etc.)
Why it works: It gives your child the ability to step out when they need to and communicate it confidently.
THE TOUGH MOMENT: Someone comments on their unique food choices or pushes them to try something they don’t want.
“Why aren’t you eating that?” or “Just try a bite!” are classics that can put your kid on the spot.
The Message: “This is the food that works for me today.”
Why it works: it gives you child agency to own their choices without getting pulled into a power struggle. It also reframes the moment from “picky eater” to personal needs, which ends the conversation quickly and respectfully.
THE TOUGH MOMENT: Someone comments on, or asks about their wheelchair, device, brace, or equipment.
Kids feel the stares. They also see adults whisper about them across the room.
The Message: “This helps me do what I want to do,” or “This helps my body work better."
Why it works: It’s short, clear, and dignified, and doesn’t invite follow-up questions. Your child isn’t forced into storytelling, answering intrusive questions, or explaining their diagnosis to a distant cousin.
THE TOUGH MOMENT: Another child says something hurtful like “You’re weird” or “Why are you like this?”
No one prepares kids for moments like these — and they sting.
Try: “I just do things a little differently.”
Why it works: It’s calm and confident, drains the power from the insult, and models a level of self-acceptance many adults are still learning.
Help These Scripts Stick
Scripts often fail not because kids are unwilling to use them, but because the stress the child experiences in the moment shuts down access to language.
Imagining these scenarios ahead of time — and practicing how to respond — can help your child walk into a gathering feeling confident and prepared. Talk through specific examples. Instead of “Someone might hug you,” try, “Aunt Sara comes in for a hug. What do you say?”
You can also print the Cue Cards for the child who wants to hold a physical reminder, and use them to review.
A little bit of preparation can help your child to feel equipped to walk into a situation that usually feels scary, unpredictable, or overwhelming, and knowing they have words ready when they need them most.